You can listen or watch to this week’s article. I recorded it in a tiny wooden box. It’s not fancy. I mean, the video is not fancy. I don’t need to make the wooden box feel bad.
Last week I wrote about going to the movies for the first time in 8 years. It was so many things; so exhilarating; so freeing; and felt conflicting all at the same time.
What’s cool is that some of you resonated with what I spoke about. I plan to answer three comments over three weeks. The comments came from Cansafis Foote, Tommy Lee, and David Kiferbaum.
I’m going to answer these comments in depth. I’m going to dive deeper into what going to the movies means to me. And I’m going to pepper these pieces with what religious Judaism says about it (as far as I understand it).
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Dear Cansafis
The footman himself. Cansafis, you know that we are somehow weirdly linked in our tastes and likes. You’re way more off the rails than I am, but you have that nerdy, weird culture vibe that makes movie nerds like us get along just fine.
You brought up a great thought. You said, “As a movie nerd who was practically born in a theater it would pain me to never go again”. This hit hard, man. I went through this feeling when I was becoming religious. However, I never fully stopped watching TV or movies.
There were periods when I wasn’t watching anything. They ranged from a couple of months to a couple of days. I don’t think I ever hit a year. Or multiple years to say the least. This pained me for a long time as well.
But I kept telling myself that I was doing it for G-d. I also suffer from a mild case of imposter syndrome and identity crisis all the time. You’ve been reading my stack for some time now. You can probably tell that I’m borderline schizo.
So although I wasn’t going to the theater, I was still watching. It wasn’t so much a clean break as it was a different drip of the same drug. I would make sure I had wifi wherever I lived. When I lived in a small basement apartment made for young yeshiva students in Crown Heights, I requested access to the upstairs neighbor's WiFi. They weren’t used to that. But I told them I needed it for work. I remember ordering massive pastrami sandwiches to the apartment and watching crazy movies like Sausage Party. What a ridiculous flick.
Part of becoming more Chasidic and a Chossid is that you are kinda sorta enlisted into a spiritual army. If it sounds intense, it’s because it is. What was stopping me all these years? I thought people would see my flailing tassels from under my shirt and my yarmulke and think, “What is a Jew doing at the movies?” What I didn’t take into account was that nobody cares. And to top it all off, it’s not all Judaism that says movies are bad, mmk? Chabad is one of the more strict Jewish groups. But they toe the line with modernity. Their emissaries are sprinkled throughout the world. They focus on outreach and go to places that are super alien to most Jews. But, within the Chabad “inner circle”, they/we/it is still insular. I don’t allow my kids to watch non-Jewish shows or listen to non-Jewish music.
Why is that…?
What Does Chabad Say?
This leads to another question that comes up every so often when I talk to other artists. What is so bad with movies? What’s wrong with non-Jewish music? Why can’t you listen to or watch things? Mostly my stepmom asks these questions. She wants my kids to watch Disney shows so we can all go to the amusement parks and throw up from eating turkey legs.
Movies themselves are not inherently bad. Nothing in the world is inherently bad. Well, except heroin. I don’t know G-d’s master plan for heroin. I’ll ask Him after 180 years.
In Chabad philosophy or Chassidus, it is explained that everything we experience in the world is part of the larger tapestry of existence. Everything we eat. Everything we see. Everything we say. Every thought we have. A basic tenet of being a chossid is working on your thoughts, speech, and actions. These are garments that dress up our souls. Just like you have clothes that you put on your body. Our thoughts, our speech, and our actions dress our holy souls. We believe that Jewish souls are a piece of G-d, literally. What does that mean, a piece of G-d? We’ll have to get into that at a later date.
The seminal work in Chabad literature is a book called Tanya. It was written by the Alter Rebbe or Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi. He speaks about what the purpose of the soul is doing down in this world. We are here to purify the world and make it a dwelling place for G-d. The Alter Rebbe explains that we have two types of souls battling for control of “us”. We have a G-dly soul and an animal soul. The G-dly soul wants only G-dliness and holy things. The animal soul wants to do animal things, survive and have basic pleasures.
Each of these souls can influence our garments in the deeper part of us. The part of us that the G-dly soul and the animal soul want to control. When we learn a piece of Torah, the G-dly soul lights up because we are using our garments to do something holy. When we take the last slice of pizza because we need it more than the other guy, our animal soul lights up because we are using our garments to do something for survival.
Each soul is fed by the things that we put into ourselves. If I were to learn Torah all day, my G-dly soul would be ecstatic because all of my limbs (my head, my hands, my mouth) are being used for Torah. My animal soul would starve to death though. Thus, my body would starve to death. So there has to be a balance. I have to eat, but I don’t have to eat twelve chocolate bars to survive, I have to eat enough to be satiated and move on.
What We Eat Becomes Us
The same goes for consuming things that aren’t food. If I listen to a Jewish song, called a niggun, that connects my G-dly soul to a more refined place of music. A niggun is a wordless melody that taps into the essence of my being and of the source of music. It is a moving experience. But it requires a more developed taste. This is opposed to gangster rap music. Now don’t get me wrong. I grew up eating Eminem’s albums for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I still know every word to Stan, Cleaning Out My Closet, The Real Slim Shady, and Guilty Conscience. It’s a blessing and a curse to hear Dr. Dre in my head randomly on some days. If I listen to a whole day of Eminem talking about killing his wife Kim, disposing of the bodies, cursing out his mother, fans, and other “entertaining” subjects, how do you think I’ll feel after that?
I can tell you that I will be more angry, more upset, and more stressed. I know because that’s how I felt from 12 years old to 20. Now there is a difference between music with lyrics and without lyrics.
Would I feel that stressed out listening to Bach, Beethoven, or Chopin? This is where it gets a little more complicated. In Judaism, who creates the music is just as important as what it is. I’ll give you an example as to what I mean which is a good segue into talking about movies.
Woody Allen has made some of the greatest movies of all time. Some of them are my personal favorites. Manhattan, Annie Hall, Stardust Memories, The Purple Rose of Cairo. But what did we all learn about Woody Allen way after we consumed his movies? He married his adopted daughter. What does this tell us about him? As much as I can appreciate him as an artist, but as a person, he might not be someone I want to have my children model.
The same goes for every creative thing we take into our bodies. Who made the music, what is it based on, and where did it come from? There is a practice of taking non-Jewish songs from the world and making them “Jewish”. This just means a Jewish person remade the song with other instruments. They are usually terrible. Except for “Shmaltz”, which was based on “Grease”. I loved that idea. (PS - Shmatlz means chicken fat aka grease.)
You Will Not Follow After Your Heart
Are you following me here? Every day we say a prayer called the Shema, which declares G-d’s oneness. When we look at our tzitzits (the tassels under my shirt) this is what we say
They shall be to you as tzizit, and you shall look upon them and remember all the commandments of the L-rd and fulfill them, and you will not follow after your heart and after your eyes by which you go astray - so that you may remember and fulfill all My commandments and be holy to your G‑d.
The key part of this line is that “you will not follow after your heart and after your eyes by which you go astray.”
It is normal to desire something I can’t have. It is normal to see something that I can’t have. But it is not G-d’s definition of normal to go after those things. I need to align myself with G-d’s commandments and not be led astray by what I see and what I feel. This is the logic behind watching a movie.
It’s not 100% clear who said the line that the “eyes are the window to your soul”, but it’s been attributed to William Shakespeare or Leonardo Da Vinci. This is exactly true. What I see inevitably becomes what I want. Movies play 24 frames a second into the doorway of my soul.
So, my dear Cansafis, have I answered your question as to how I had spent so much time away from the theater? I chose this life as an “ultra-religious” Jew. It doesn’t make any sense. A lot of the time, I battle with the nagging question if I made the right choice or not. I write about that a lot. But for the most part, I have a much better grasp on my life, clear direction, a connection to the Infinite that I didn’t feel before, and a beautiful family. With a newfound connection to G-d, it felt like He was asking a lot from me.
The main thing I have to remember is that if what I am doing seems too difficult, too much, and is causing me a lot of stress… He isn’t asking me to do it. It’s taken a long time to recognize the difference between doing as much as I can and doing what is being asked of me. For 8 years, it was asked of me not to go to the movies. Now I have to figure out what He wants from me next.
What movie have you seen that you loved recently?
What movie have you hated?
What have you done that you think might have been a bad choice because people tell you it is?
Do you stay awake at night thinking about all the movies you could’ve watched in theaters?
Cover Photo by Krists Luhaers on Unsplash
...what a beautiful and thoughtful and above all educational insight into your creativity and religiosity...truly appreciate it brother man...i think the most resonant component i took from all of this is that art, and really anything we "consume", has a value throughout all stages of its creation...i care about what i eat, how i act, etc. so why should i not also care about what i watch, and a step further, whom and how it was created...i imagine you consume much peace through this process, and trust me as someone who doesn't listen to eminem at all on purpose, i don't think you are missing out on anything there...i've often considered what a content less universe might be like for me...what if i actively tried to consume nothing while also creating at the same time...a working monk if you will... it's a delightful thought and dream though one that for me is probably alive in some other life...the goal of that meditation is to be as deeply me as possible (or me and G_D if you will)...but embedded i am (by choice) in the culture of our time(s)...i once lost my mind and thought i would find it in "Dude Where's My Car?"...and surprise i did...that awful movie convinced me to stop searching for G_D or myself in movies...not everything is a message..some art just sucks...ah the joys of misguided misguiding (self)...anyhow once again just got to say you giving a full article response to a comment is baller level bud...thanks...in return some answers to your questions...
What movie have you seen that you loved recently?
UPGRADE --> maybe because I like action and cities so much, but this story of a man and machine merging for revenge really goosed my sci-fi wheels...the modern era has me constantly asking "Does Technology Really Make Us Better?" and at every turn my answer is "No. Not at all."
What movie have you hated?
THANKSGIVING --> Eli Roth is a cruel filmmaker, his "comedy" hidden in layers of gore/torture and above all disdain for humankind...i love schlock horror and was excited to see what a horror movie about one of our more conflicting "holidays" might do with subversion and terror and found myself actively shaking my head in "Come on man"-ism. Somehow this movie got good reviews, further distancing me from the discourse...why can't we have good thing...
What have you done that you think might have been a bad choice because people tell you it is?
...watch movies (wink wink)...jk...but to circle back to my earlier comment, dragging 4 friends to see "Dude Where's My Car?" in the midst of a Psychic breakdown because I thought the car was a metaphor for "LIFE" was a poor choice...non-ironically i must note that one other time in a similar mental lapse i was shown the film "All The Marbles" a women's wrestling comedy starring the delightful Peter Falk...and like magic while watching it my sanity restored...the/my/our G_Dz work in mysterious ways...
Do you stay awake at night thinking about all the movies you could’ve watched in theaters?
...i do the opposite and go to sleep thinking about all the movies i am going to put in there...