Is Self-Transformation Possible?

If so, do I want to change?

My wife says I am a creature of comfort. On any given night, you can find me with a big bowl of popcorn, a movie or show lighting up my face like a pinball machine, and a pillow stuffed under my arm for optimal comfort.

I like my creature comforts. I buy $24 socks from Vermont because they’re the most comfortable. Plus, they have a lifetime warranty (minus shipping and handling).

Rabbi Jacobson says that “self-transformation is possible, and it is possible to the extent that we want it, that we examine ourselves and identify issues that need work, and that we invest ourselves in that goal.”

Whew. Self-transformation I can get behind, but having to examine myself and identify issues? Check, please.

While studying in yeshiva for years, I didn’t have a mirror to look in. Now, I have to take a metaphysical mirror and hold it up to everything I want to change. The problem is that the mirror is blurry, cracked, and fogged up. I’m scared to address the real, honest issues I’ve built around me.

I have a desire to be externally validated. Could you say I did a good job? Is that from my childhood? A therapist would agree.

I want to be a better father. At my funeral, will my kids say I was a great tatty (father in Yiddish) or that I could’ve done better?

I want to feel like I’m doing the right thing. Should I hire Spike Lee for a sequel to his successful Do The Right Thing movie? (I haven’t seen it, so if the reference makes no sense, don’t tell me.)

Today is the 30th day of the month of Av. Tomorrow, Elul begins. The path to self-transformation, change, higher enlightenment, and eternal happiness begins tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I’ll start.

Tomorrow, I’ll change.

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow…

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Cover Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash